Friday Rant: Clown Contract, Bro

dfu19051334 brewers at phillies

Hey, do y’all remember that time when Braves’ fans hated their team for not signing Bryce Harper. Pepperidge Farm remembers, and so do I. Bryce Harper cashed in on a 13-year, 330 million dollar deal and Braves Country was PISSED! We had a vacancy in right field due to Nick Markakis hitting free agency. It was destined for Bryce Harper to come to the A, hit .300, 50 taters, 125 RBIs, and even notch 40 saves — because BrYcE HaRpEr Is ThE gREaTeSt oF aLL tImE. Let’s take a look at how Bruce Hooper is repaying the Philly Fans — who are known as a patient, jovial bunch (just ask Santa Claus).

In 2019, Babe Ruth reincarnate has a .4 WAR, which ranks him 148th in the MLB. Players ahead of Harper include Howie Kendrick, Steven Duggar, Pamela from Human Resources, and Alex Avila. His current offensive WAR of 27.8 ranks 64th on the active list, and a slightly lower 927 on the all-time list. His defensive WAR can be found in the same location on either list. Like mine, it is not there. There are currently 1,000 names on the all-time defensive WAR list according to, and not a single one of them is Bryce Harper.

But hey, this is a must sign guy. You are an absolute IDIOT if you don’t think Bryce Harper is worth that money, right Scott Coleman?

There are fans who were screaming from the rooftops, “Sign Bryce Harper! Stop being stupid and sign Bryce Harper! We are screwed if we don’t sign Bryce Harper!” and yet here we are, running out a lineup that currently ranks in the top 10 among all MLB teams in hits, triples, total bases, average, on-base percentage, slugging percentage, and OPS (on-base + slugging percentage). We even have an old reliable bench bat named Charlie Culberson – who currently has the same WAR as the hairspray king.

Not to mention that we locked up Ronald Acuña and Ozzie Albies for the next decade for LESS THAN HALF of what the PhiLOLies paid Bruce Hooper. Braves fans scoff at the term “financial flexibility” because it really means “cheap” to them. Some of that is justified, but we don’t lock down either of those superstar-caliber players if we sign Harper. We don’t have the available funds moving forward to extend players such as Dansby Swanson, Mike Soroka, Austin Riley (if he tears it up), etc. Big-time free-agent acquisitions don’t have a solid track record in recent memory. So be thankful Alex Anthopoulos is the GM and not people on Twitter.

Ozzie’s Chain T-Shirt


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